Living a True Lie
by Illusive
Summary: When you have feelings you just can’t explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn’t love each other... there’s no way you can hide true love... AsuKira AU
1. Singing Without Tongues

**Title:** Live a True Lie

**Author:** Illusive

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles or 'Bad Day' from Daniel Powter.

**Pairings:** Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka

**Summary:** When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.

**Warning:** AU. Shounen-Ai.

**Author Notes:** Ok, first of all, this is major AU, sure I based a few things off the anime but still this has nothing to do with Coordinators and Naturals. I paired Athrun with Cagalli because it's what the normal pairing would have been but I didn't put Kira with Lacus or Flay because I wanted to have both of them replace each other with someone that reminded them of the person they really loved. Also, in this fanfiction, Cagalli and Kira aren't siblings, maybe I'll find a way to make them relatives somehow, but for now, I'm not so sure. Anyways, just enjoy the first chapter of 'Live a True Lie'. Ja, till the end of the chapter. "

_Flashbacks_

Normal

"Speech"

* * *

1. Singing without Tongues

* * *

A young man stepped out of the arrival doors only to find that he was extremely lost within the bustle of a busy airport. Besides the fact that he hadn't stepped on Japanese soil for the last past 4 years, he wasn't used to how crowded everything was, though he definitely should have remembered from growing up in these parts. Even with that in mind, he blended in easily, dressed very casual, as he peered through the crowd as if looking for someone he knew even though none of his friends in Japan knew that he had finally come back. Of course, there was no one there. 

Lifting up the heavy duffel bag he had with him, Athrun stepped forward into the past yet here in the present; no longer the student in Canada who regretted leaving his best friend behind but now the slightly nervous fiancée of Cagalli. He was soon going to see his childhood friends again, the people he had grown up with but left to take his chances in schooling elsewhere. He looked forward to seeing Kira again, his past confusion about his feelings for the boy had gone and he was happy to say that life with Cagalli was more than just perfect. As he was jostled, literally, out of his thoughts, Athrun decided to get a move on and find his way out of the airport.

He pushed through the crowd as it was the only way to get through. A small smile played upon his lips as he thought of his long-time girl friend, Cagalli. Sure, she was brash, loud, and very headstrong but that all hid the true qualities that he had come to love, the soft nature she had whenever she saw that something was wrong and the fact that no matter what she was always able to set him straight when he was wrong. Shifting the bag onto his shoulder, he absentmindedly started to play with the ring on his finger. The automatic doors opened to a cool breeze and loud chatter from the taxi drivers and bus driver. Athrun Zala gave another smile, he was home again and soon his fiancée would be coming back to her own homeland as well.

/_Appearances aren't usually reality and perfection is definitely not reality._/

A brunette sighed and pushed back his hair as it got in his eyes again. He leaned back against the back of his chair. The cushion he was currently sitting on wasn't helping the fact that he had been sitting for a very long time and that time was starting to take effect. His vibrant violet eyes reflected the unnatural glow from the laptop screen. The author stretched in his chair before getting up and heading towards the kitchen. He needed a hell lot of coffee after pulling an all-nighter writing the sequel to his first book that had sold by the millions. Well, it had been a slow sale, until pop princess Lacus Clyne had read his book and started to promote it.

Kira chuckled aloud at this, he had met the girl shortly after that and was quite confused about how she could act so childish yet be so wise at times. He was eternally indebted to pink haired singer and now they had become very close friends. In fact most would think that they were actually together, as in a couple, if it weren't for the fact that Kira had been going out with another very pretty girl by the name of Ayoshi. His eyes wandered to photo of his girlfriend, which was sitting on the counter beside his phone; black hair that shone navy blue in the sun was accented by blue-green eyes and an attractive smile that was reserved for Kira, and Kira only.

In fact, they probably would've been living together but Ayoshi's parents didn't want her to leave the house until she was at least engaged. Yet both Kira and Ayoshi knew that they weren't ready for such a commitment. She had broken off a very messy relationship before she had dated Kira and Kira hadn't been so sure about his standing with Athrun at the time as well. They both found comfort with each other and a relationship had gotten off the ground from that. Kira was sure that he had let go of the weird emotions he had held for Athrun before and had become adjusted to how Ayoshi was just as reliable and independent as his best friend.

Sometimes though, even with Ayoshi, he wished that Athrun would be there to guide him through with his first girlfriend. The other had always seemed so capable among the young ladies though Kira had hung back, extremely shy. If he would say so himself though, Kira would definitely declare that he was doing exceedingly well with his first relationship. Their first date was to help each other forget about the last person in their lives but that had soon escalated to a real relationship. He was happy, and it had been a long time since he had done something drastic without someone else's opinion. Yzak had just thought that he was insane for going out with an extremely emotional girl but Kira didn't mind at all.

_/Sometimes you need to experience to understand._/

Athrun held the hotel phone in his hand almost hesitantly. He wasn't sure who to talk to first, they all had lost touch because of their busy schedules in schools and he understood how time could change a person. He doubted that any one of his friends forgot him, but maybe they held it against him for not keeping touch. Taking a deep breath he decided on calling Yzak and leaving Kira for later, he was scared that he might begin to cry if he heard his closest friend's voice again. He dialled the number hoping that Yzak hadn't moved throughout the years and that his memory was still fresh. The phone kept ringing with no one picking up, then a click was heard, "Joule residence." A voice that seemed chock full of charm answered and immediately Athrun knew it wasn't Yzak.

Athrun froze for almost a second before asking politely, "Hello, is Yzak there please?" He held his breath for a bit as he waited for the answer, maybe if Yzak was there then he could ask about Kira. The two had reluctantly become close because of him.

A snicker was heard before a voice answer, "He's busy at the moment." Athrun raised a brow at this, why would anyone be laughing just because someone was busy? Who was on the other end anyways? Suddenly from the background, curses were raised and Athrun caught the name 'Dearka'. The navy blue haired man's eyes widened, Dearka was the one he was talking to? He didn't even recognize the voice.

With a rushed voice he spoke quickly, "Dearka?" A puzzled noise of confirmation led the man with a newfound confidence in his voice to go on, "It's Athrun!" His voice came out almost in a gasp as he pushed down the excitement. He fumbled for the next words to say so instead he paused letting the tidbit of information actually sink in first.

_/Surprises come in all sorts of packages, you either like them… or you don't…/_

Dearka looked so surprised that even Yzak stopped his profanities for a minute to question his boyfriend. The sandy-haired boy mouthed the two words that Yzak had learned to accept were never coming back into their lives, 'Athrun Zala'. With those inaudible worlds, Yzak demanded without words to be untied which Dearka did the right away even though Athrun had just tried to confirm that there was someone else on the other line. Yzak grabbed the phone from Dearka's waiting hands and pressed the earpiece to his ear, "Athrun? It's Yzak."

Athrun almost seemed surprise to hear his voice, "Yzak, long time no see I suppose." Yzak heard a soft laugh come from the other line and growled.

"No shit, you bastard you could've called at least a few times throughout the years; we didn't even know how to contact you. Do you know how lost Kira was after you left?" Yzak rushed through his words and once he got to the end, he could actually feel the guilt seeping through the line. He sighed as Dearka gave him a disapproving look and then spoke again with a less harsh tone, "Where are you? And did you just call us or did you also call Kira before?"

/…_But sometimes you just can't decide whether it's a good or bad thing./_

"I haven't called Kira yet… I…" Athrun paused, every reason he had sounded cowardly so he decided to just skip the reason, "I'm at a hotel, I came back because… well, to put it not so lightly first, I have a fiancée now and we wanted to get married in Japan." Athrun winced at the sharp intake of breath that he heard following his statement. He shuffled around nervously hoping that his friend wouldn't be too mad at him about not telling them earlier that he was coming back or that he was planning on getting married. Now he added a meek statement just to make it seem like he hadn't totally forgotten about his friends, "We haven't actually planned anything yet, I wanted her to meet you guys first."

_/It's always nice when someone lies to you just to make things seem less insulting./_

"You are unbelievable you know." Yzak all but resisted to growl at his long time friend. Then he muttered mostly for his part, "You're lucky Kira has moved on." He ignored Athrun's puzzled comment and was about to launch into another rant when Dearka interrupted using another phone in the house.

"Your fiancée hot?" Dearka asked eagerly but regretted that comment when Yzak hit him over the head. The boy practically whined and then proceeded to glare at Yzak, "Anyways, you should come over some time, Yzak is impossible to deal with."

Yzak's eyes widened at this with anger, "I'm impossible! You're the one who tied me to a chair for your own sick reasons!" He pointed an accusing finger at his boyfriend not caring that Athrun was hearing all of this.

"It was not for my own sick reasons! It was because you suck at kissing! I was trying to teach you something useful. If you didn't know how to use your tongue, you shouldn't have tried." Dearka shot back even though Yzak bristled at the kissing part. He knew he was going to get it later but right now he wasn't exactly thinking. Then he spoke into the phone to Athrun while ignoring the colourful swearwords poured out at him, "Call back later, and call Kira right now."

/_People do stupid things… and there's no stopping them./_

Being stunned was the biggest understatement in his life, Athrun gathered from that conversation that two of his old friends had been dating, and that they were both boys nonetheless. It was true that he once held the same feelings for Kira but he had denied them, deeming them as merely feeling for the other boy as a sibling would do so. He stared at the phone shocked for a few more minutes before placing it back on the handle. He ran his fingers through his hair; that was one of the most interesting discussions he had ever had over the phone. It also didn't help that he now knew what they had been doing before he had called.

Athrun then realized that he had forgotten to ask whether or not Kira had moved. If he did, then that would be a huge problem. Sighing he decided to try first, and then ask if there was a problem. His fingers flew over the numbers mechanically, still used to the years and years of pressing that same sequence of numbers. The phone rang and suddenly the navy haired graduate's hands were shaking. He couldn't help but think that Kira would hate him now. He had made a promise and broken it, he had shaken the foundation of trust that they had built. As the tone rang over and over again, he debated on whether or not to hang up but ended up deciding against it. Athrun was going to talk to Kira now or he would end up never talking to him.

/_Sometimes it takes more than just courage to see things through./_

Kira heaved a sigh again as he stared with a blank look at his screen. All inspiration had fleeted leaving him with no ideas to go on. He pushed back against his desk, making his chair swivel and move away from the beautifully-made office desk. Standing up again, he accidentally made his cold coffee slosh the sides of the cup but thankfully didn't spill on the papers and notes he had around it. Without thinking much, Kira grabbed his jacket and put it on as he left his house, locking the door behind him. He didn't hear the phone ringing shrilly as he walked down the still hallway.

As he hurried down the street, avoiding crowds so he wouldn't have to worry about bumping into anyone, Kira couldn't help but wonder what Yzak and Dearka were doing. It had only took a few months for them to become close after Athrun had left, though before, the brunette had been very wary of them and only tolerated them because Athrun was there. Yet, fortunately, they were drawn closer together when Athrun had left; Dearka had been the one to take his old friend's place as a comforter. Without Athrun, Kira had no one to protect him, no one to comfort him, and no one to be always there for him. Dearka took up that job without another word after he had seen Kira break down, even at his age, crying as soon has they had heard that Athrun's plane had taken off.

Kira smiled almost bitterly at the thought of Athrun, he couldn't deny that the few years before Athrun had left that he had developed feelings that exceed those of being a friend but had been afraid of them. Back in the past, he had thought that it would just die away, because you just don't date your best friend, who was a boy as well. Now that he actually thought about it, the navy-haired boy had coddled him too much. Kira never actually grew-up until Athrun left. He didn't blame his friend though, Athrun had done what he thought was best by shielding Kira from any evil he saw in the world.

Now he was on his own two feet, not even his mother could help him now from her place in heaven. He had learned that he couldn't lean on someone forever, especially if that one person had left him and broken the one promise he needed to be fulfilled. Kira heard the sweet sound of children's laughter as he entered the park he had been going to ever since he was a small child himself. This special place helped him through rough times, writer blocks, and was a comfort whenever he needed it. Right now, he was plagued with block then seemed to stuff up his whole mind.

He sat down on the edge of a fountain that was pumping water into the air and watched on as kids laughed, played, and generally had a carefree time. Kira longed to be that free again but he knew it was impossible with all the responsibilities he had as a new adult. His eyes averted to the grove of Sakura trees. The blooms were only just about peaking but they still looked radiant. It hurt just to see the trees. He almost let out a sob as his memories had a mind of its own. He had tried and tried to forget and move on but it seemed he couldn't forget his first heartbreak even though when it had happened he didn't know it.

_/Memories stay with you forever… especially the ones you don't want._/

"Athrun!" The said person winced as his fiancée all but yelled his name at him. He couldn't help a grimace as her demanding tone once again started up, "Where did you put the phonebook after you used it last time! I need to find the number for the taxi company!" Athrun sighed and sat down, relaxing, knowing the phone call was going to take some time. He patiently explained where **she** had put it last time **she** had used it. He smiled when Cagalli thanked him but rolled his eyes when she went into another tirade about misplaced items.

"Did you pack everything you need?" Athrun asked, keeping the exasperation out of his tone. He had ended up spending at least an hour explaining to his fiancée where everything that she needed was. Every time he reminded her, she would mutter distractedly a 'thank you', pulling a smile from the navy haired graduate. Somehow this all reminded him of how he would remind Kira of homework or an event over the phone and have him panic over it but be genuinely thankful afterwards. He rested his head on his hand which was propped up by his elbow as he waited.

He heard Cagalli mutter unintelligible things as she packed with up making a lot of ruffling noises. A small smile flitted over his mouth, as he knew that he would soon be reunited with his fiancée even though they had seen each other around half a day ago, "What else, what else…" Cagalli's panicked mutter came to his ears. He chuckled briefly before being yelled at for laughing at her, "What are you laughing at! You should be here helping me but, no, you wanted to go back to Tokyo first because you wanted to see your friend."

Athrun couldn't help it as he choked on his laugh when his fiancée growled in growing frustration, "Did you get your plane ticket yet?" She gasped in realization; Athrun could just see the wide-eyed expression as Cagalli berated herself for being so forgetful. His eyes become half-lidded as he sat there waiting for Cagalli to find her ticket. The sun starting to set, then it hit him that Cagalli was up, bright and early to pack. He sat up now surprised, Cagalli was not known for being a morning person, so who had woken her up, "How did you wake up?" He almost dropped the phone after he had spoken up to ask her this. Cagalli had shrieked and a loud bang justified that she had just tripped over something.

"I'm OK, I just forgot you were on the other line," Her startled voice came as soon as she had picked up the phone again, "And I didn't wake up, I stayed up the whole night. I used up all your coffee though..." Athrun couldn't help but twitch slightly thinking about how his fiancée had just wasted his expensive blend. He couldn't tell her off on that though because they had promised that everything they had belonged to each other like a good couple should do, "Found it!" A triumphant voice stirred him out of mourning for his coffee, "I'll see you in 15 hours!" Athrun said his goodbye and put down the phone, forgotten was the wasted coffee. He now could finally see that semi-messy hair with determined yet innocent eyes again soon. Yet all the time used up on just packing for a few months in Japan…

_/And even when your brain locks a memory away, something will always make it resurface again./_

_"You're what!" Kira asked incredulously even though he knew the answer already. He stepped back from Athrun with a shocked look, which was soon replaced with hurt, "You promised!" He cut his best friend off when he protested, "You promised that we would stay together!" Kira glared furiously at the teenager he had trusted his own life with as Athrun stepped forward towards him with a pleading look. He averted his eyes even though he could feel the pained emotions hanging in the air from the navy haired boy._

_"Listen to yourself! You sound so childish." Kira's focus snapped back to Athrun's when the other had spat that out. The annoyance and anger in the voice chilled Kira and he didn't even care that he had really sounded very immature. Their eyes clashed for a moment before a brilliant violet looked away with sadness in his eyes. Athrun's expression softened at that and he murmured, "I'm sorry for yelling but I need to get away from Japan, my studies are bringing me somewhere else. You have to understand that Kira; we can't always be together."_

_"I know but…" Kira trailed off feeling very foolish for making such a fuss but thinking about not being with Athrun wrenched at his heart and worried him to no extent. Kira didn't know why he was this upset, but it was true that Athrun was his closest friend. The brunette gasped in surprise when Athrun pulled him, swiftly, into a hug. He blushed for some reason as their bodies made contact and didn't hesitate to return the embrace while burying his head in the latter's shoulder. He didn't even know that he was crying softly until Athrun started to hold him closer and he felt his hot tears soaking into Athrun's shit, "Sorry,-- I'm crying like a six year old and I'm going to be going to University in another three months.." He choked on his words as he muttered them mostly to Athrun's shoulder._

_"It's OK." Athrun managed a small pained smile even though Kira couldn't see him. He couldn't stand to see someone he loved crying so desperately… Wait… love? Did he really love Kira? Well if he did then it would be just on a platonic level, they were best friends, after all, and they did care for each other a lot. Then why was he turning a red colour while thinking about tilting the brunette's head up and kissing him soundly to stop him from crying? Kira felt Athrun shake his head to clear the thoughts and looked up with crystal eyes to ask why he was tossing his head around. His questioning eyes were met with a gentle smile and they parted but their hands were still entwined._

_Kira nodded with sad acceptance and felt his heart break without even knowing it, "So, you're leaving tomorrow morning?" He acknowledged the nod of Athrun's head this time without too much of a fuss. Kira turned pink once again when Athrun wiped away his tears and whispered to his long-time best friend, "So this is goodbye?" He felt his heart shatter into millions of pieces when Athrun nodded solemnly once again, "You'll call and write, right?"_

_"I promise." Athrun tilted his head and smiled brilliantly as they both took a step back, their hands slipped from each other, yet still yearning to hold the other. They parted from the pretty orchard of Sakura trees and their blossoms swirling in the unforgiving wind with soft smiles hiding their anguish and pain._

* * *

_"Calm down, Kira!" Athrun laughed into the phone as he listened to his friend run around the house in a panic trying to find everything, "It's only a one week trip." He jumped and landed on the bed with a small bounce as he waited for Kira to get himself together. The brunette was currently getting ready for a 7-day trip to his grandparents' house for a family reunion. It would seem very much that he didn't know how to pack because Athrun was constantly reminding him of stuff he may have missed. Athrun was currently being a really good tool when it came to packing._

_"Athrun!" Kira, at 13 years old, whined to his childhood friend because he couldn't locate something, "I can't find it!" Athrun rolled his eyes knowing Kira couldn't see him and then good naturally asked what it was exactly that he couldn't find. It was quite amusing to see that Athrun knew where anything in Kira's house was located. He gave the distraught boy the directions around his own house and was rewarded with a loud, "Thank you!"_

_Athrun smiled widely yet with a hint of sadness while staring up at his ceiling. Sure, he didn't want to lose his best friend for a week but it couldn't be helped and it was only a week. He would see him again next Tuesday and for sure the Yamato would have stories to share. Athrun rolled onto his stomach as Kira told him to wait for a few minutes while he searched through a box. _

_Suddenly the voice of his mom calling him down for dinner made him groan in annoyance and yell back that he was talking to Kira. All he got was a command to say goodbye and come down. He wanted to ignore his mother but that would just make her irate. He wanted to talk with his friend till the end of time and more but that wasn't possible. He didn't want Kira to leave for a week and maybe even come back with a new best friend. Athrun couldn't stand the risk at all of losing Kira._

_"It just **had** to be at the bottom of the box." Athrun heard his friend grumble as soon as the phone was back to his ear._

_Athrun sighed remorsefully, "I have to go, my mom's calling; but I'll see you in a week. You better not have too much fun without me." They laughed together before saying their final goodbyes. Athrun slouched down to dinner, somewhat glad that his friend would soon be on his long awaited trip out of the country. Yet there was a part of him that wished that he could go with Kira or maybe that Kira could stay. He hated the fact he couldn't be there in case Kira really needed him or to protect his friend like he liked to do so Kira wouldn't get hurt. _

* * *

A/N: So… how did you like it? I know it's too short but that's the end of the first chapter either way as I've planned it; stretching it out isn't working… heh. Tell me your opinion by leaving a review. Flames are not wanted but constructive criticism is. If you don't have anything helpful to say, please don't say it. Well, going to go write the next chapter now! 


	2. Screaming Without Lungs

**Title:** Live a True Lie

**Author:** Illusive

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles.

**Pairings:** Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka

**Summary:** When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.

**Warning:** AU. Shounen-Ai.

**Author Notes:** Ok, here's the second chapter… I'm hoping this is longer. Chances are it isn't going to be. TT I feel so… unworthy. Why can't I type up a long chapter! Well, on another note, this fanfic is turning out quite well actually, I'm actually not losing interest after the first chapter like I do with every other chapter fic I'm actually writing xD.

_Flashbacks_

Normal

"Speech"

2. Screaming without Lungs

* * *

Cagalli growled at no one as she stood there waiting for her fiancée to come pick her up. She had been away from Japan longer than Athrun and she had no intention of getting lost. She propped her bag against a chair and sat down. She rolled her eyes and thought, 'Leave it to Athrun to be late for the first time when we're in another country.' With a slight pout she leaned against the chair and crossed her legs, waiting with a semi-cross look on her face. Fortunately for Athrun, she could never get to angry at the young man and she knew that chances were it wasn't Athrun's fault that he was late. 

In fact, she couldn't think of a time where she was extremely mad at Athrun. He was always so understanding and unlike most he understood her side of the argument as well as his. Therefore, arguments never happened most of the time. Cagalli thought guiltily of the many times that he just stood there while she rattled on and yelled about how annoyed she was because of some little thing. Then when she was done Athrun would look at her apologetically with a sad smile and in a mere few days he would fix whatever she didn't like.

Her pout transformed into a sad smile as she remembered the first time they had a huge dispute. He had like he usually did stand there with a sad look hidden behind apologetic eyes. She had, in all her anger, accused him of being apathetic and then threatened to leave him if he didn't say anything. Cagalli hadn't even registered the shocked and fear hidden before she had left without another word. Athrun had called her on her cell phone half an hour later but, when she picked up, hadn't said anything. She had been walking around for those thirty minutes and had calmed down after the fight. Cagalli saw how irrational she had been and returned her mind set to apologize.

Once she had gotten back to the small flat they had owned, she had found Athrun with unshed tears in his eyes and he was muttering about how much he was sorry for leaving someone named Kira. The whole story about his best friend had unraveled and she had been told by Athrun how much he had been scared that Kira would leave him. With all of this fear in him, Athrun had left Kira himself not wanting the risk of being left behind. It had been two years at the time, and Athrun had finally broke under the guilt and all Cagalli could do was whisper reassurance and try to understand why Athrun was so devastated when she had left.

Cagalli sighed and rubbed at her eyes as she continued to wait. She didn't like dwelling on bad memories but somehow she knew that, that little outpour from Athrun's heart would soon be very useful to understand her fiancée's life in Japan. She had requested that they had come back to their homeland for their wedding and Athrun had agreed immediately. After their studies they had made all sorts of plans… and now here they were, anxious and nervous, ready to take on one of life's hardest challenges.

Then it dawned on her how close her fiancée and his best friend had been. It was a bond like no other and if you thought about it on a different angle, they almost seemed like they had some kind of relationship that was more than just friendship. She laughed at this because god-forbid she giggled about the fact that her soon-to-be-husband was gay or something else. Cagalli had just stilled her laughter because she realized how weird it was for her to be laughing out of the blue when a familiar voice rang out from behind her, "Now what's so funny that you would burst out laughing in the middle of an airport?"

"Athrun!" She turned around and threw herself into the navy-haired man's arms. A short 'oomph' was heard from the taller one but he wrapped his arms around her, returning the embrace. They soon let go and she smiled when Athrun leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. Suddenly she couldn't wait to meet her old friends and family so they could get married. She was a bit nervous about meeting all of Athrun's loved ones but now that Athrun was by her side, she didn't feel so queasy anymore.

"Now, can you tell me what was so funny?" Athrun smiled down upon the one he loved and picked up her luggage. Cagalli just smirked but didn't answer as she hooked herself onto his arms and they chatted all the way home. It was like always, conversation came easy. They knew all of each other's quirks and were willing to work with it. It almost seemed like a match made in heaven but there were always a few problems like in every relationship but it didn't matter because they could work it out after they both cooled down.

oOo

_Sometimes your mind lies but soon you'll see that your heart will always stay true._

oOo

Kira sighed as he turned over in his bed. He had slept in because of his fitful sleeping during the night and he really didn't want to face another day. Groaning as he sat up, Kira rubbed his bleary eyes and set off to make his morning pot of coffee. As he entered the kitchen he heard a familiar beep from his phone. Sighing, he pressed a button on the phone base before turning to focus on getting the needed substance to help him wake up. Kira resisted the urge to smack his head against his dining table a million times over when he started to hear the overly cheerful voice of Dearka.

"Kira! Guess who? Well I don't really think you need to guess 'cause if you had to then I would feel extremely offended. Anyways back to the point here, you have to meet us at the usual place at 12. We have a surprise for you. Oh, and bring that cute little girlfriend of yours. See ya later!"

A gentle laughter made his face lit up and he turned in time to see a pretty navy haired girl say, "I'm still 'that cute little girlfriend' I see." She spoke while using finger quotes at the appropriate times as well. Their lips met in a chaste kiss before she giggled once again and sat down at the table beside him. She took his coffee up and took a long gulp of it, "Thanks, I really needed that."

Kira pretended to be annoyed but the huge smile on his face counteracted it, "I really needed that too." He was rewarded with a brilliant smile which reminded him why he was in love again.

"So, I'm free at 12. What about you?" Ayoshi said almost teasingly since she had heard the whole voice message. She propped her elbow on the table and used it to support her head. Her hair cascaded down smoothly and Kira almost had an urge to tangle his hand in her hair. She still had a smile on her lips and for a second Kira thought about Athrun. Shaking his head slightly but not very noticeably he smiled back.

"Well I guess I'll have to escort my 'cute little girlfriend' to this little surprise, but knowing Dearka it's not going to be very good surprise." Kira laughed and was joined in by Ayoshi.

"True, very true." Ayoshi stood up and extended a hand to Kira, "So it's 11:40 and you're still in your pajamas when we're supposed to meet our friends in 20 minutes. That doesn't bode very well now does it?"

Kira took her hand and stood up beside her, "No, I guess it doesn't. I'll be right back." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left to go get changed. As he grabbed a shirt from his closet and changed into it as he thought about how wonderful Ayoshi was. She was smart, well educated, and had a good head on her shoulders. She was a rare beauty who was very dedicated to what she loved and even respected her parents' wishes though she was of age to make her own decisions. Her maturity helped to balance out Kira's own naivety and they got along very well.

oOo

_It's funny how the mind can substitute something for something else similar when that something is lacking._

oOo

Ayoshi poured herself another cup of coffee carefully and inwardly scolded herself for drinking the caffeinated stuff. She took a long draught of the liquid and sighed contently; it wasn't her fault that Kira always had to buy expensive and good tasting brews. She finished up the cup and washed her cup in the sink, feeling almost as if she was at home. Kira's apartment was a second home to her, just that she didn't live in it. She had the keys and access to it anytime she wanted but she lived alone in her own little rented space.

Her parents had accepted Kira with open arms but they expressed their wishes that Ayoshi not live with him until they were married. Even though she told Kira that she understood that they were both not really to tie the knot, she actually looked forward to the day that her boyfriend would get down on one knee and propose. So far it hadn't happened yet. She loved Kira and was ready to settle down with him but he just wouldn't take the hints. He had great friends who she bonded with easily and was drawn into their group almost immediately.

All her friends approved of Kira and even joked with her that if she ever broke up with him that they would go after the brunet. Ayoshi thought she had a very well-established life. Of course it did help that Kira could make as much money as she could so she would never have to worry about finances if they ever did settle down together. Everyone around them was so supportive of their relationship and she was glad. She thought they were a good couple.

Ayoshi ran her hand through her navy locks. She thought she had a good grip on her relationship and she knew she analyzed situations well. All signs pointed to them getting married but Kira wasn't making it easy by not even talking about wishing to make things official with her. She loved what she had so she wasn't going to complain but it would be nice to be married to Kira. Her thoughts were interrupted by Kira coming back into the kitchen all dressed and ready to go.

"We have 10 minutes to get there. Are you going to drive or am I?" Kira knew that they both loved their cars and loved driving them so they always took turns whenever they went out. It was a weird quirk for both of them but it worked out nicely.

Ayoshi took Kira's hand and they walked to his front door, "Well considering that I drove last time, it's only fair that it's your turn this time." In a few minutes they were out the door and heading towards the certain surprise. Ayoshi turned on the radio to a channel she liked and settled down to listen to the music. Kira grimaced almost invisibly at the choice of song but didn't say anything. Ayoshi sensed this, however, and changed it to something they both liked. He smiled at her without a word and she smiled back. A match made it heaven if anyone was to say.

oOo

_Nothing is perfect since there is always something that can be better, but you just have to see the chance and seize it._

oOo

"Kira, Ayoshi!" A voice yelled over the din of the small diner they had arrived at. It was Tolle calling them over with a huge smile on his face. It seemed all of Kira's friends were here already. Kira looked at Ayoshi with an amused look because he had no idea what the surprise was after all seeing all his friends together was no surprise. They made their way through, weaving through tables, hands still entwined.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Ayoshi spoke first taking her seat beside Yzak. Kira sat beside her as usual and they looked around at everyone with questioning eyes.

Their friends' smiles seemed to grow at the looks they were being giving but no one said anything except for Dearka, "A surprise, but that's coming in around 15 minutes. First…" Kira and Ayoshi nodded eagerly and waited for him to go on, "We eat. I'm hungry." They both face faulted and rolled their eyes afterwards.

"Sure, but you guys are paying." Ayoshi answered playfully, still wanting to know what the surprise was. Kira just shook his head like he felt sorry for himself but a huge smile was on his face. They ordered their food and chattered amongst themselves like friends would. Everyone was here which was not unusually but it was a rare chance since everyone had busy schedules and not all of them could synchronize their timetables. Kira looked upon Dearka, Yzak, Tolle, Mirielle, Nicol, Kuzzey, Flay, and Sai. These were the friends who helped him through his high school and university years.

Kira was sure everyone knew what the 'surprise' was except for himself and Ayoshi. He didn't really care though since he was hanging out with his closest friends. He fed a fry to Ayoshi and noticed how Flay was silently seething though her face held a smile, her eyes told a whole different story. He ignored her though; it had been like this ever since he had gotten together with his current girlfriend. Ayoshi noticed and mentioned it to him before but after he explained that he and Flay used to go out, they left it alone.

After 15 minutes, true to Dearka's word, the surprise came.

"Athrun Zala! You are never ever driving again! It's a miracle that we didn't get pulled over! I know you want to meet your old friends again but that was insane!" A scolding voice cut through all the voices in the diner, maybe only because the first two words were crucial but maybe just because the young lady who was doing the scolding was loud.

Kira dropped his fork with a clatter and Ayoshi looked at him worriedly. Everyone else wore smug smiles, though some also looked puzzled at the girl beside Athrun. The brunet sat frozen in place and a shadow fell across their table, "Kira." The voice spoke quietly though he didn't greet everyone else no one was offended. Dearka snickered and Yzak rolled his eyes while smacking his boyfriend over the head.

The young man who was spoken to practically leaped up to face the newcomer. Ayoshi stood up with him and waited to see what would happen. The childhood friends studied each other for a full 5 minutes before Miriella spoke up, "You guys want to hug each other I just know it." Athrun rewarded her with a slight smile but Kira gave no indication that he heard. Athrun's smile faded. Miriella's happy grin also faded when she noticed Kira's reaction.

"What the **hell** have you been doing the past years!" Kira's voice was controlled but one could tell he was hard-pressed to keep the volume down, "Damn, Athrun, all those years and not one word from you." Not many heard, but he also muttered a profanity under his breath. Ayoshi stifled a gasp since she had never heard Kira swear like that before.

"I…" Athrun trailed off; he had no answer for the brunet. He didn't look away but met Kira's gaze with a guilty one now.

"Why did you come back?" Kira asked simply and Ayoshi frowned at how cold he sounded.

"I came back with my fiancée so we could get married in our homeland." Athrun replied at the same time Kira noticed the ring on Cagalli's finger. Kira reeled back if only in his mind. Silence stood over the table and Yzak felt like smacking Dearka for arranging something like this.

Flay, however, felt it was time to make her own sharp input, "Great, Kira's lover boy is back" She let out a shrill laugh, "Ayoshi, you'll never have a chance at settling down with him now. You shouldn't known from the beginning when you told him that you weren't going to move in with him unless you two got married and he didn't say a thing about marriage."

"Flay, shut up." Kira said flatly; he was already in a low mood and Flay wasn't helping at all.

Ayoshi stepped in, eyes flashing, "Kira, let me handle this."

oOo

_Déja vu is never really chance._

oOo

_"But… we didn't… I," Kira was cut off when Athrun interrupted._

_"Kira, let me handle this." His best friend stepped in front of Kira and started to speak in a low tone, "We didn't cheat, and it was coincidence that we had similar answers. We don't even sit beside each other, how could we have traded answers? We studied together last night so that could account for it, but you still have no basis for calling us cheaters." The teacher's eyes narrowed at the sudden attack and opened his mouth to say something, but the harsh look on Athrun's face made him think otherwise._

oOo

"You, Flay, have nothing to do with Kira and my private life. You will do well to stay out of it." She spat at the red-haired girl but the latter just replied with her lips twisted in a smirk.

"Hit a nerve there didn't I? You know what I say is true. When Kira and I were going out the only person that could separate us was that devil-spawn traitor over there." Flay ignored the heat of Ayoshi's glare and went on, "He never loved me and he hell doesn't love you. The only person he's got eyes for is the only one who left him. You might as well do yourself a favour and not hope that he'll propose to you since he didn't really want me and he isn't going to want you now that his precious best friend is back." Her tone mocked every time she mentioned Kira and Athrun.

"Flay!" Sai hissed at his girlfriend. He offered no apology because the best thing he could do at the moment was escort her out before anyone turned on her.

Flay didn't struggle against Sai's strong grip but she did leave one parting message, "If you were smart you'd listen to me. I know; I have experience. You're in for a whole world of hurt."

Kira held onto Ayoshi's hand as she went for a retort so she calmed down but no one spoke until Flay and Sai were both out the door. Miriella insulted the Allstar under her breath as Tolle looked at them anxiously. Dearka was spitting swear word after swear word as Yzak rubbed his forehead with his fingers as if to ease a headache. Kuzzey said nothing and sat there but they could see the troubled look in his eyes. Nicol was the one who spoke up, "Don't listen to her Ayoshi, she's just still sore about what happened a long time ago."

Ayoshi nodded but you could tell that she still took some of what Flay said to heart. They sat down with Athrun and Cagalli seated where Sai and Flay sat before. An awkward silence set over the table of friends and Cagalli didn't really like this first impression. Kira stood up suddenly and everybody looked at him, "Excuse me." He muttered and then left. Athrun wanted to get up and follow but he couldn't just leave Cagalli with a bunch of strangers to her.

Cagalli seemed to notice this so she nodded to Athrun and tilted her head in the direction Kira went to let her fiancée know that she would be fine. He smiled gratefully at her and kissed her before getting up and hurrying off. Athrun saw Kira hightail out of the diner through the back door and pursued. Yet when he placed his hand on the exit, he hesitated. He wasn't exactly in high favour in Kira's eyes at the moment, but maybe this could change the tide. However, it was known to him that somewhere along the line he was part of the reason why Flay had ruined the afternoon. It wasn't time to think about what could happen, but to at least try, bad results or not.

Kira leaned back against the concrete wall and tilted his head back. He was in a small alley behind the same establishment. He loved Ayoshi and would do anything for her, but those words did hit home. Why couldn't he gather the courage to ask her to marry him? Did he even want to marry her? Was it really the matter between having enough guts to ask or was it something else? Flay's words was like a wake-up call, a very rude one at it.

Everything seemed so together and now Athrun was back. It seemed whenever it concerned Athrun, his life took another dive. When he had first left to pursue a life somewhere other than Japan, Kira had been devastated at losing his best friend. Now his so called best friend had come back, and he wasn't devastated this time but more like confused. Either he could blame Athrun for rippling his life again, which had just settled down for once, or he could let everything slid and regain the best friend he lost years ago. He had no idea, which he wanted to choose.

The door opened to his right side and he peered at who came out, and at that moment he knew that the decision had been made for him already… He wanted his best friend back.

"Kira…" Athrun started before the author could say anything, "I… well, I guess first of all I should apologize. I shouldn't have cut off all ties and then come back abruptly, expecting you guys to welcome me with open arms, but coming back to Japan, the only people I know I can run to are you guys."

A silence settled in the air and Kira looked away from Athrun. He didn't know what to say. A part of him was still mad at the Zala heir, but another part of him was willing to forgive and forget. The struggle didn't last very long. He heard his own tentative voice say, "I missed you."

Suddenly all was right and they smiled like they did when they were children.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Okay! Just a few thanks to those who reviewed. You guys rule and thanks for the tips and stuff I hoped I fixed 'em here… if not… O.o You might want to remind me again. 

Thanks to:

**Faerie Princess of Doom****, furin-a, Haruka Mizumi, lilplayer, dragonagility, Darkmoon Fleur, DrgnKiyo, Black Magician Girl3, Apchi** and **chantygal**


	3. Desperate, We are Young

**Title:** Live a True Lie

**Author:** Illusive

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles.

**Pairings:** Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka

**Summary:** When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.

**Warning:** AU. Shounen-Ai.

**Author Notes:** I need a BETA, as you can see from my error-full chapter last time. Heh, but my definition of a BETA is someone who will proofread my chapters and stories, and also I have one on hand… she's my friend, but like she doesn't know much about Gundam Seed so she can't tell me anything other than that I may have made a typo or grammar mistake or whatever. So… yeah… anyone? XD Oi, oi, oi, I know I took a long time getting this out, and I am so sorry. Kinda had a midlife crisis sort of thing. Still haven't worked anything out yet, but I do owe you guys a chapter.

Couldn't help but add a Kingdom Hearts reference. xD And it has nothing to do with anything though… haha oops.

_Flashbacks_

Normal

"Speech"

3. Desperate, We are Young

* * *

"Cagalli," Athrun peered at his fiancée through lidded eyes, "You're up… and earlier than me too." His voice held a slight hint of confusion and surprise. It wasn't everyday that Cagalli woke up before he did. He let his eyes slide shut again; he hadn't been able to sleep very much the night before. Since they were, technically, on vacation, he wanted to sleep as much as he could before they were forced to regain their regular lifestyle, "What's the occasion?"

Cagalli practically jumped onto the hotel bed they were sharing and smiled widely, "No occasion, but you remember that girl that was with your friend you keep telling me about? Yeah, we made plans to go out and she told me to drag you along. Aren't you proud of me? I already made friends with one of your old friends. Actually she kind of looks like she could be your cousin or something…"

Athrun sat up now and remembered the girl that had stood up against Flay, "… I don't know her…" He answered truthfully, "She must be someone they met during University."

"Oh…" Cagalli just shrugged and stood up again, "Well, she still did offer to update me on what happened in Japan while we were overseas, and she's bringing Kira so..." She changed while Athrun woke himself up with a shower.

oOo

_Funny how things play out for you when you least expect it…_

oOo

Rivulets of water soaked through his hair and down his toned body as he gasped at the temperature and reached to change it. He sighed as it adjusted to his will and the now comfortable air in the bathroom made him almost want to fall asleep again. Kira shook himself awake and reminded himself that he had a whole four chapter to finish writing today if he wanted meet the deadline set for him.

"Kira!" He easily recognised Ayoshi's voice outside the door.

"Yeah?" He called out after wiping the water from his face. He stepped out of the shower and dried his hair as much as he could.

Ayoshi leaned against the door and twirled the keys to Kira's flat around her fingers, "You better not have anything planned for the morning…" Kira resisted the urge to groan.

OOo

_And funny how problems can arise from simple occurrences._

oOo

Cagalli sighed contently as Athrun wrapped his arm dutifully around her waist as they exited out into the bright sunshine. Tall buildings threatened to block out the satisfying rays, but it was mostly all the people that pushed past ruining most of it. Suddenly she found herself detached from Athrun and turned to find him staring into a bookshop. Letting out a sound of displeasure, she grabbed his hand and pulled him along, "Come on, we might be late. Ayoshi told me how to get there from our hotel."

A small shop off to the side came into view and Cagalli pointed towards it. They pushed through the crowd to get to the café. Already they could see Kira and Ayoshi through the window taking a seat beside an elderly couple. Athrun stumbled along as she eagerly pulled him along so they could cross the street on time. He swore that a car brush past him as they reached the other curb, and the honking that had preceded was totally unnecessary. Japan was more of a hassle compared to more reserved amount of students that he was usually surrounded with.

A small tinkling of a bell was heard throughout the store as they entered. Ayoshi immediately called them over even though it wasn't too hard to spot them in the small area that the shop was composed of. Kira and Athrun locked eyes and a wave of nervousness ran through both of them. Cagalli immediately sat beside the navy haired girl and they proceeded to rave about anything and everything to each other, not noticing the semi-awkwardness between their boyfriends. Athrun was forced to sit beside Kira.

"Kira…" Athrun forced himself to stop staring and focused away from the brunet, "So… uh, how has life been?"

It had never been so hard to make conversation, but now the two friends were struggling to find anything to talk about. This didn't come as a surprise to either one of them since they both knew that years of separation would make for a lack of conversation. Kira gave a small smile at Athrun's effort and answered, "It's been fine, Dearka and Yzak made it their duty to take the position, in my life, you left empty. They did a fine job; they're together, if you didn't know."

"Yeah, I noticed that when I called them… Dearka's still the same; isn't he?" Athrun had a look of newfound confidence. He opened his mouth to add something about Yzak and to ask more about his other friends' relationship when a perky voice interrupted.

"Hi! Welcome, may I take your order?" A happy smile was placed on the waitress' face though it was obviously faked.

The girls stopped their conversation to quickly point out to their boys what they wanted before resuming their rapid conversation. The two best friends shook their heads and looked at their respective girlfriend with a certain fondness. They ordered what they wanted as well as what Cagalli and Ayoshi wanted. A silence fell upon them once again and Athrun cleared his throat before continuing with what he wanted to ask before, "So as I was saying, how did they… when did they…"

"Get together?" Kira finished with an amused smile, without waiting for a confirmation he went on, "Simple really, nothing a few dares along with alcohol couldn't do."

Athrun raised an eyebrow, "A bit childish don't you think?"

"Well it had only been a year or so after… you left." He replied and ended up feeling awkward for bringing up the one fact that made him believe Athrun had betrayed him, "They have a weird on and off relationship, but for the last half a year they've stayed together. I'm guessing it'll be like that from now on too. Actually I like it better this way too. That way it's easier to handle being with both of them at one time."

Athrun nodded like he was interested, but at the moment he just wanted to get to what he really wanted to know, "So, you have a fiancée now?" He asked while tilted his head towards Ayoshi.

Kira looked funny for a second, "Oh, no. We're just going out." A red tint hinted at his cheeks. Athrun just had to chuckle at this, Kira was still embarrassed to talk about relationships and girls it seemed.

"Okay, why are you guys talking about me?" Ayoshi leaned on the table and looked at them expectantly. She was met with a smile from Kira and a tentative expression from Athrun, "So?"

"Yeah, we haven't introduced ourselves enough!" Cagalli added in.

"Good point…" Kira scratched the back of his head with a lopsided grin and launched on, "Athrun, this is Ayoshi, she's my girlfriend. I met her in University. Ayoshi, this is Athrun my best friend since we were little."

"My turn then, this is Cagalli, she's my fiancée and we decided to get married in Japan. Cagalli, this is Kira, but you know almost everything about him I know already." Athrun took Cagalli's hand in his and smiled widely, "Well now the introductions are done with."

The food then arrived and they proceeded to dig in. Both parties hadn't had breakfast yet, and they were all hungry. Kira swallowed and then motioned towards the ring on Cagalli's finger, "So when's the wedding planned for?"

"We don't have an exact date since we were thinking of connect with old family and friends first." Athrun had a lopsided smile on his face, "I think we were too eager, and we made the mistake of not planning much out yet."

"But it still must be exciting right?" Ayoshi stared dreamily at their rings, "Preparing to get married and all."

Cagalli laughed, "I guess…" She took a glance at Athrun who smiled back.

"Kira! You're past your deadline!" An older woman came up to the author and whacked him on the back of his head with a folded up newspaper almost fondly. She looked briefly at Ayoshi and greeted her, "Ayoshi, nice to see you again."

Choking on his food, Kira coughed rapidly and grabbed his glass of water, gulping it down. He looked up from his seat at his editor and almost shrank back when she gave him a look, "Heh, I know, I know. I'm almost done. I would've been done yesterday, but something came up."

"Something? You know I don't tolerate you breaking your deadlines."

"I know. I know, but Athrun here decided to show his face after who knows how long… with a fiancée." Kira somehow unloaded all the blame on his friend who just stared at him utterly confused. Murrue gave him a deadpanned look and Kira cringed, "Okay, I'll have it done by the end of next week I promise."

"You better. I have an appointment so I'm going to leave you alone now, but if I don't see something from you by next Saturday…" She trailed off as a warning, and then nodded to the rest of the table and left.

"Deadline?" Athrun tilted his head towards Kira.

Ayoshi answered in for Kira, however, "Yeah, didn't you know Kira's an author?"

"Yeah… I'm sure he mentioned it bef—." Athrun started, but was interrupted by Cagalli.

"… You cannot be the same Kira that Lacus promoted into celebrity status…" Cagalli looked pretty impressed when Kira nodded, "Wow… so how much do you make?"

"Cagalli!" Athrun looked at her incredulously, "You can't ask something like that."

"It's okay… and well, let's just say I make more than enough." Kira laughed when Athrun looked at him with admiring eyes.

"You never told me this…" He admonished his best friend and was rewarded with shrug.

"Well someone never called me after the first year of leaving Japan." Kira shot back and Athrun had the decency to look guilty.

"If you had 'more than enough' income we could have the best wedding ever." Cagalli turned to Athrun and mentioned. Athrun winced knowing that he had a lot of promotions to go before he would be able to support them both without substantial financial problems.

"Hm… I never thought of something like that." Ayoshi turned to Kira, "It would be so cool to have a wedding that would make it into magazines…"

Kira waved his hands in quick protest, "The media doesn't know my face yet and I'm going to leave it that way. Lacus says it's the only thing keeping people from jumping me in the streets."

"Yeah, I guess that's true… but it would be cool wouldn't it?"

"It would…" Cagalli sighed, "But weddings are such a hassle no matter how small or big they are. Athrun here never helps with the details, and I'm left to make all the big decisions."

Athrun held up his hands in defence, "That's why I hired you a wedding planner."

Cagalli snorted, "More like you hired your old roommates girlfriend who's dreaming about becoming a wedding planner to help. You're not even paying her!"

Ayoshi stifled a laugh at the lover's spat, and Kira did the same. They watched Athrun argue with Cagalli about things that were hilarious even if they were a bit confused from the random references. Cagalli sighed loudly and glared at Athrun who did nothing but back away, "We're going to be late. We were going to go meet my parents remember?"

Athrun nodded, of course he remembered; he never forgot anything after all. He signalled to a waiter and got the check. Before he could fish out his wallet though, Kira handed the waiter a sum of money, "It's on me. Besides, do you even remember how to use Japanese currency?"

"Of course I do." Athrun replied quickly and Ayoshi stifled another giggle. He quickly changed the topic and asked, "So how long has your relationship with Ayoshi been going on?" Even he didn't notice his expression become depressed by the second as Kira went on and on about his relationship

oOo

_How can one not know something so obvious about themselves?_

oOo

"Not a bad place…" Cagalli murmured as she stepped foot into Kira's apartment. She took in the expertly furnished living room and was impressed by how many rooms he had.

"Yeah, it's not a bad place if you don't notice the small things that are wrong with it." Ayoshi walked past Cagalli and threw her coat down onto the couch obviously comfortable and familiar with the place.

Kira frowned even though he wasn't offended, "There is nothing wrong with my place."

"Oh yeah? What about that sink in there that's messed up? And the wallpaper is peeling in some places in your office."

"I got the wallpaper fixed already!" Kira protested but didn't say anything about the accusation about a leaky sink.

This time it was Cagalli's turn to laugh, "Well you should get Athrun to fix your sink for you. Somehow he can fix anything… He's especially good with electronics though."

"I know." Kira smiled at Athrun, and the girls gave each other funny looks, "Wait, weren't you guys supposed to meet Cagalli's parents?"

Cagalli glared at Athrun as if blaming him.

oOo

_"If shared with someone, your destinies will be entwined forever."_

oOo

Ayoshi sighed, but happily, "Don't you just want to get married now? Think about it. I could finally move in with you and we could be so happy! Maybe even have a child!" Kira shrunk away and didn't say anything. Ayoshi noticed this and looked at Kira with piercing eyes, "What's wrong with it? You wanted me to move in with you before, remember?"

"Yes, but…"

"But what? What's so bad about marrying me? It's something I really want. I think we're ready for it. It's not like my parent's don't approve of you!" Ayoshi's tone started to rise in pitch. Kira bit his lip not knowing what to say, "Tell me, Kira! Is there something stopping you from marrying me. And don't give me shit about not being ready."

Kira recoiled when Ayoshi swore. He swallowed and spoke, his voice seeming weak even to himself, "I just... It's… Maybe we should wait a bit more. We may seem ready, but marriage isn't an easy thing…"

"You know what? You might as well say you don't want to marry me okay?" Ayoshi's face turned red and her voice was heated.

"No! I…"

"Don't try to consolidate me. Cagalli and Athrun are happy to be getting married. I want their happiness, Kira. I want what they have. The knowledge that they can pledge themselves to each other!"

"Well I can't give that to you! Not yet. You may be ready, but what about me!" Kira shot back, he didn't know why but his tolerance was running thin. Somehow everything had been so frustrating ever since Athrun came back. He didn't know what to think at all.

"If you're not ready now. Then when!" Ayoshi took a deep breath, "If this relationship is going nowhere, I want no part of it."

Kira's breath caught in his throat when Ayoshi turned around and left, slamming the door on the way in an unusual display of temper.

oOo

_Welcome to level 1… of hell of course._

oOo

He soon found himself outside like that day when Athrun came back. He was thinking too much; his mind raced. He let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go. Everything was happening so quickly. Only a few weeks before, his life had been so perfect. Ayoshi had a perfect relationship with him and his career hadn't died down since his first bestseller. The sky was darkened but there was no sign of rain. He stumbled over a curb but walked faster. His head lowered as he stared at nothing but the ground.

When he finally looked up, he froze when he noted the familiar setting. He hadn't come here for a couple of years already. Tears almost sprang to his eyes, but he forced them down. He stared at the small house that Athrun had lived in for most of his life. He swallowed and then turned around. His lonely footsteps were almost silent as he walked away.

"Kira!"

For a moment he thought it was Ayoshi, but when he turned, eyes wide. He saw Athrun looking at him with piercing eyes.

oOo

_Just when you think you've forgotten, you remember._

oOo

"_Kira!" Athrun called as Kira was walking to school. He pivoted, his backpack digging into his shoulder, and smiled at his friend. The smile contained such innocence, devotion, and love. He waited patiently as Athrun ran to catch up, and they walked away… together._

oOo

_Just watch; watch how the past can differ so much from the present._

oOo

There was no smile on Kira's face. He looked almost afraid. He was so afraid of what was going on, so afraid that Athrun would undo everything he had worked for. He turned right back around and walked away quickly. Athrun was startled; he had thought that Kira would answer to him. Athrun never expected Kira to run away from him like he was about to attack, "Kira!" Athrun called out and ran after Kira.

Even though he was breathing loudly, Kira heard the loud footsteps behind him and quickened his pace even further. He hadn't made it very far before someone, obviously Athrun, grabbed his hand and yanked him back, "Let go." He looked away and tried to take his hand back.

"No," Athrun said with a deadly tone, "What's wrong? Kira, stop running away from me."

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Just let go." Kira choked on nothing as he tried to keep the tears back, "Please, let me go."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong?" Athrun shook his arm harshly and brought a hand to Kira's chin. He tilted Kira's face up towards him to, but Kira still averted his eyes, "Damn it. Kira, don't screw up our relationship again."

Kira twisted his arm around trying to get Athrun to release him, but Athrun held on firmly. He struggled for another few minutes before he gave up and broke down crying. Athrun was surprised at the sudden show of tears. He had thought that Kira had been angry at something. Awkwardly, he brought Kira closer and embraced the young man.

Silence… Kira sobbed without sound, but his shoulders shook with every choking breath. Then he abruptly stopped, embarrassed, and pulled himself away from Athrun, "Sorry. I… Ayoshi broke up with me because I told her I didn't want to marry her yet." Kira blurted, knowing that Athrun had the right to know as his best friend.

Athrun's expression was purely shock, "Oh god, Kira… She'll come around. She was probably just angry."

Kira shook his head in disagreement, "No, I don't think she will. She reminds me of you, you know. You're both decisive. She wouldn't do something so rashly."

Athrun frowned, "Well, what happened? I don't think anyone would break off such a good relationship just like that." Of course he wasn't sure if their relationship was a strong one, but he could take an educated guess.

"I guess she was sick of how we just moved in circles, never getting anywhere with our relationship. I don't know." Kira sighed wearily, "I don't know what to do anymore. Ever since you came back everything just started… like dominos. One reaction caused another and another."

oOo

_So what will happen when the last one falls?_

oOo

Ayoshi watched from the window of her car. She saw how Athrun embraced Kira. It was the same way she would comfort him when he went to her with troubles. But now she saw more than that. She saw who she really was to Kira… She was a replacement. Just someone who filled the place of his best friend after Kira lost him. She breathed out harshly and started the car. Her foot pressed down unconsciously harder than she would have liked on the gas, and she lurched back as the car sped forward.

oOo

_When the truth hits hard, it hurts._

oOo

Athrun raised an arm to wrap around Kira but stopped. He just motioned towards his car and said simply, "I'll take you home."

* * *

Author's Notes: Ha! I told you I would have it out by the end of this week. It is like the literal end of the week but really least I finished it. I'm going to work on the fourth chapter now. Hopefully I don't procrastinate anymore and actually finish it faster. xD Review please people?

Thanks to:

**Black Magician Girl3, Haruka Mizumi, Darkmoon Fleur, leebat, Maryam Khanoom, and furin-a.**

You guys rule. Thanks so much. xP Pocky for all of you. Heh.


	4. Chapter 4 Preview

**CHAPTER 4 PREVIEW**

**Title:** Live a True Lie

**Author:** Illusive

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles.

**Pairings:** Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka

**Summary:** When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.

**Warning:** AU. Shounen-Ai.

**Author Notes:** Here's a brief preview of what I have so far… I'll get it done soon I promise xD.

* * *

Kira let out a small noise of pleasure and pressed their bodies together, sealing what little space was between though. He couldn't lie to himself and say that he didn't enjoy every fleeting touch or every passionate kiss. Kira held back a whimper when Athrun pulled away. It took a minute for them to realize what they had just done. However, their bodies wouldn't let them pull away in shock, as their first reaction would have been, "Athrun…" Kira whispered…

…

… He leaned forward for another kiss but the other pulled back Kira opened his mouth to protest again, but his body didn't seem to want to back-up his mouth, "No, shut up, Kira, I don't care… I don't fucking care. I finally have you. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I don't care. I never should have left Japan… never should've left you."

…

"Holy shit, Athrun! Kira! What the fuck?!"…

…

… "What are you going to tell her, huh? Stop thinking about what you want and start focusing on the mess you've made!" …

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Okaaay that pretty much concludes what I've written so far… xD Of course I've just taken snippets so don't worry I have a bit written already… xD 


	5. Separate, We are One

**Title:** Live a True Lie

**Author:** Illusive

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles.

**Pairings:** Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka

**Summary:** When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.

**Warning:** AU. Shounen-Ai.

**Author Notes:** Okay fourth chapter. I'm pretty happy with how the fic is turning out right now. Of course I know it can be better, but I'm still learning. xP I want to thank everyone who reviewed. Thanks for all the encouragement and suggestions; they mean a lot to an author, and I'm sure most of you know that. xD And I know I suck at good timing updates but… yeah… don't kill me. Actually I think you guys have every right to kill me haha. **I'm sooo sorry.** xD So here it is. The fourth chapter to LaTL. Enjoy!

_Flashbacks_

Normal

"Speech"

* * *

4. Separate, We are One

* * *

"Okay, so here's the address and phone number. I still don't understand why you won't come with me. She wants to meet you too." Cagalli rummaged through her belongings and produced a slip of paper, which she handed to Athrun. She was currently getting ready to leave for a friend's house, and Athrun had declined the invitation to go. All he wanted to do was rest and not meet anymore giggling girls. Besides, he had met most of Cagalli's friends already, and he didn't really like them, just tolerated them…. Obediently he leaved over and gave Cagalli a short kiss before she left. Closing the door behind her, he wondered why his heart barely fluttered whenever he saw her. Shaking it off as nothing he went into the bathroom to get ready for another day. He just felt so weary sometimes…

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. The look in his eyes was foreign even to him. When did entertaining Cagalli and making her happy seem like such a chore? Athrun splashed his face with icy water, efficiently waking himself up. Shivering, he grabbed at towel and wiped his face. He grabbed a simple outfit from one of their suitcases and threw in messily on the counter and stepped into the shower. Minutes later the bathroom was steamed up as he enjoyed a relaxing warm shower. Suddenly he was hit with a guilty feeling, he knew that he had told Cagalli that he was tired so he didn't want to go with her, but really he had wanted to go and check up on Kira to see how his friend was doing. He didn't know why he had to lie to Cagalli, he was sure that she would understand… but his mind told him not to risk it… But what would he be risking anyways?

Every since they had come back to Japan, he had been confused… way too confused. Everything was collided. All those memories he didn't know he remembered were coming back, and somehow he felt like he had to do something he didn't before… but he just didn't know what… Athrun sighed. Everything… sucked, for a lack of better word. He turned off the tap and grabbed a towel to dry his hair. Shaking it out, he debated whether or not to cut it soon. It was getting long but he didn't know if he had time before the wedding and such. Using his palm, he wiped away the condensation that had fogged up the mirror and looked at himself again hoping to see some change. Nothing. He still looked weary and exhausted.

Slipping on the clothes he had prepared for himself, he gave up trying to look refreshed like he used to. Athrun grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

oOo

It's just some of those days where you lose sight of what used to be important 

oOo

Cursing underneath his breath, Kira reached blindly for his wrench, which should've been right by his foot. It had been weeks since Ayoshi had scolded him for not fixing the link from his kitchen sink_... Ayoshi, where'd you go?…_ He knew he had been wasting water, but it wasn't really on top of his priority list at the time. Now he was just procrastinating because he didn't feel like working on his book. The ending was always the hardest part for him to write. Muttering about faulty plumbing he got up from underneath the counter to see where he had kicked his wrench. It was a few feet away lying there just waiting for him. Frowning, Kira grabbed it and his went back underneath. A loud and firm knock on his door made his heart jump as his thoughts turned straight to Ayoshi.

He sat up straight and groaned when he hit his head on the underside of the counter. However, his panic made the pain seem not existent as he rushed to take off the dirtied gloves and race for the door. Kira lunged for the door, unlocked it, and yanked it open to meet the amused look of his best friend, "Athrun…" His tone was borderline disappointment as he looked up at Athrun.

"Wow, I feel welcome." Athrun teased his childhood friend and waited to be let in. Kira seemed to finally sense this and opened the door wider for Athrun, "I just wanted to see how you were holding up, Kira." His amused look turned to a serious one.

"I'm fine… I just…" Kira's words contradicted his face, "I tried calling her but no one answered."

"Give her a bit more time?" Athrun suggested as he followed Kira to the kitchen where he was surprised by the amount of tools spread out on the floor.

When Kira noticed Athrun looking at him with question, he explained himself, "Oh I was just trying to fix my tap 'cause it won't stop leaking."

"Need help? I remember you weren't really that good at fixing things…" Athrun commented as he got into the position Kira was just a few minutes ago.

"Well I'm not like you, I can't fix anything man-made." Kira retaliated by nudging Athrun with his foot as he waited for Athrun to assess the problem.

"Hey, play fair. I am fixing your sink for you right now." A muffled voice came from beneath the counter making Kira roll his eyes. And it was then that he forgot how much he missed Ayoshi…

Laughter filled his kitchen when Athrun came up sputtering when he did something wrong and water had forced its way out of the leak. Narrowing his eyes in mock offence, Athrun grabbed Kira and forced his face into the spray from the pipes causing the young man to choke on his own laughter and cry in protest. Forcing his way away from the offending water, Kira half crawled, half stumbled away dragging Athrun with him. Kira gasped for air with his back on the floor. Athrun slipped from the water on the ground and his face landed centre metres from Kira's.

Green met violet. Kira shivered, just barely, from the intensity of the look Athrun gave him. He felt something… something he hadn't felt in years. Something he didn't know he could feel again since Athrun left. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. There was nothing he could say, but he knew one thing. This attraction he felt all of a sudden was undeniably abnormal. His mind told him he was still in love with Ayoshi but his heart was playing a nice game of tug-of-war. He swallowed just before…

Athrun leaned over, not knowing what he was doing, but all he knew was he was following his instincts. Their lips met with a shocking jolt to both of them, and it was then they yearned for more. Their minds screamed that it was all a mistake, but it was ignored. Athrun took no time to position himself above Kira as they took a very brief breather before diving into each other again. He couldn't get enough of the brunet. Every touch led to another and another. Their tongues played together like they belonged together. They just couldn't stop.

Kira let out a small noise of pleasure and pressed their bodies together, sealing what little space was between them. He couldn't lie to himself and say that he didn't enjoy every fleeting touch or every passionate kiss. Kira held back a whimper when Athrun pulled away. It took a minute for them to realize what they had just done. However, their bodies wouldn't let them pull away in shock, as their first reaction would have been, "Athrun…" Kira whispered before he let himself be pulled into another kiss. Why? Why couldn't they stop themselves? Why wasn't Athrun feeling the guilt he was supposed to be feeling? After all it wasn't everyday that two best friends kissed in a kitchen even if they were both bisexual.

Cagalli was the last thing on Athrun's mind, and Ayoshi was just a faint echo in Kira's mind. Kira kissed back eagerly and shifted to a more comfortable position as Athrun leaned over more. His hands clutched at Athrun's loose shirt making the fabric wrinkled as they continued to taste each other. Soft breathing could be heard, as they broke apart for air. Their eyes met once again. A slight flush had appeared on Kira's face, but Athrun's eyes were of pure determination.

Kira came to his sense and spoke softly not wanted to ruin the mood his body seemed to crave, "Cagalli… Ayoshi… what… Athrun, we can't…"

"We can, we will…" Athrun said adamantly, refusing to let his engagement ruin the best thing he had felt since he left Japan. He leaned forward for another kiss but the other pulled back Kira opened his mouth to protest again, but his body didn't seem to want to back-up his mouth, "No, shut up, Kira, I don't care… I don't fucking care. I finally have you. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I don't care. I never should have left Japan… never should've left you."

"Athrun…" Kira almost melted at those words, but he shook his head, "We can't. I won't let you hurt Cagalli like this. She's good to you. This," He gestured with his hand while bracing himself up on the floor with the other, "This is just what our bodies is telling us to want. It's pure lust. Nothing more."

Athrun's eyes hardened, "What do you know Kira? How do you know how I feel? I left Japan because I thought I would never have a chance with you. Even though you insisted you were bisexual, you always preferred girls more… And you never once got any of my hints." He grasped Kira's chin and forced those vibrant, shining eyes to look into his, "I'm not letting you go now that I have you."

"Weren't you just telling me about how Ayoshi would come back? Ayoshi… Cagalli… We can't… we can't hurt them." Kira shook his head as best he could. His eyes reflected the guilt he felt.

Athrun couldn't believe how much he was willing to risk at this point and the words came out before he could think about them, "If they don't know… They don't have to know."

"No!" Kira blurted out, eyes wide with horror, "Athrun! Why… how can you think this way?"

"I don't know." Athrun looked genuinely frustrated and confused. His mind was telling him so many things but his body never ceased to betray him. Yet in the far corner on his mind he knew, this was where he belonged. He belonged with Kira and he couldn't just live a lie and pretend that he didn't, "Just please… please tell me you need me as much as I need you."

Kira look at him. The struggle to say what he wanted and needed versus what he knew he should say made him tongue-tied. Athrun's hopeful face deflated with each passing second, and Kira knew he had to say the right thing, "I do… I really do…" He looked away and looked at his blurred reflection in the water on the floor. He knew fully well that Athrun was looking happier each second, but it wasn't going to last, "But…" The hope radiating off Athrun faded again, "I can't think of myself anymore. You can't think of yourself anymore."

Athrun froze realizing rejection for what it was. He shook his head in denial. Raising a shaking hand up, he grabbed Kira's chin again and held his best friend's head in place. Dipping his head low again, he murmured, "Think about what you're saying 'no' to here. Don't you want to be happy?" Without waiting for an answer, he covered Kira's lips with his own once more. With that simple kiss, he conveyed what he wanted and needed. Kira didn't respond, but he didn't move away either. Torn between decisions, his body felt numb and paralysed.

"Holy shit, Athrun! Kira! What the fuck?!" The loud outburst came from the doorway to the kitchen causing the two the break out of their reverie and turn quickly to see Dearka at the door with a shocked expression with Yzak standing behind him. They untangled themselves, and Athrun stood up off to a distance. Kira fidgeted in his spot and refused to meet the eyes of his friends. Neither Athrun nor Kira denied anything.

Dearka looked over his shoulder at Yzak. There was an awkward moment when neither knew what to do. They looked at their flushed friend with a look akin to puzzlement and disappointment. They had been sure that Kira had gotten over Athrun. After all, he had gone out with Ayoshi for a long time, and they knew the two had a strong relationship. So what had happened? Yzak walked towards Kira and grabbed his friend's wet arm not caring to question as to why he was wet, "Come Kira, we need to talk to you. Excuse us, Athrun." The latter part was spoken with a bit of a chilly tone.

Athrun blinked hard, trying to believe that what had happened didn't really happen. He buried his face into his hands and groaned. He just couldn't believe that he had just messed up everything… again.

oOo

_In school, erasers were enough to erase your mistakes. It just doesn't work that way in real life._

oOo

"Kira! What are you doing?! I thought you were over him!" Dearka ranted at the sullen boy as they talked in Kira's room. Yzak didn't have much to say, but his disapproving look was enough to make anyone feel guilty.

Kira threw up his hands in defeat, "I don't know, okay!?" His tone was sharp, almost yelling, he never lost his temper like this quickly, "I just, I'm sick of pretending."

Dearka looked warily at his friend, "Pretending? What do you mean?"

"I mean pretending to love Ayoshi. She… she just reminded me so much of Athrun. Her personality was so similar, and her looks… I just couldn't … not ask her out." Kira fought back tears and looked away. Throughout the whole situation, his vibrant eyes never met those of another, "I just wanted Athrun… so bad. Is that so wrong? To love your best friend so much that it hurts and that you have to find a replacement?"

"Well, what are you going to tell her, huh? Stop thinking about what you want and start focusing on the mess you've made!" Yzak finally put in his two cents. He looked heatedly at Kira, not understanding how his kind friend could have been so selfish as to knowingly enter into a relationship while knowing that the other party could easily be hurt.

"I'm not going to tell her anything! I don't have to! She left yesterday, and I doubt she's coming back." Kira yelled bitterly.

Dearka wasn't sure whether to comfort his friend or to give him another lecture. He resorted to doing nothing, "Yzak let's go. I think Kira needs some time alone." Yzak shrugged and followed as his boyfriend left.

Athrun was left alone still sitting forlornly in Kira's kitchen.

oOo

_What doesn't kill you…_

oOo

"Damn Kira… what was he thinking?" Dearka swore as he looked out the window. Houses were passing by at a quick fashion. He pressed his forehead to the cold glass; he felt an uneasy feeling. He leaned into the touch as Yzak rubbed circles on his back. His boyfriend was being unusually comforting, but he knew it was mostly because they were both worried for Kira.

Yzak held the steering wheel with one hand and drove silently. He wanted to know why Kira would do such a thing to Ayoshi. Ayoshi was a sweet girl, but he would agree, she did look and act like Athrun. He swore underneath his breath and applied more pressure to the gas pedal. Things were looking grim for Kira, and Athrun in the scene didn't make it any better since he was the one who caused the problems in the first place.

oOo

… _makes you stronger._

oOo

Kira stood up; he didn't really feel like doing anything anymore, but he felt hungry and exhausted. All he could remember was the feel of Athrun's lips on his and good it felt. At least he didn't cry throughout the whole time. He headed for the kitchen to get something to eat, and saw Athrun still sitting there in silence, "You're… you're still here?" He asked with a quiet tone.

Athrun never answered his question, "Give me a chance." Determination seeped through his tone, and he gave Kira a hard look. He walked slowly towards Kira, "Please."

Kira couldn't answer. His body and heart told him to say yes; his mind vehemently disagreed. He shook his head yet stepped closer. He looked away, but his hand reached out. His mind screamed 'no' yet his heart won the battle.

Athrun caught Kira before he fell to his knees. The navy haired man held his friend close as they sank towards the wet floor. He whispered sweet nothings as they just sat there. He tightened his grip as he felt Kira begin to sob. He watched as heavy sobs wracked Kira's body yet it seemed no tears came. He leaned over with all intentions of kissing Kira.

"I'm so confused, Athrun. I can't…" Kira whispered, "I can't; I can't; I can't…" Over and over he muttered those two words yet his body once again betrayed him. And he was the one to seal the kiss. Time stopped for that moment, as a thousand thoughts ran through Kira's mind.

"Come on," Athrun picked up the shivering man, "We're going to get a cold." He brought Kira to his washroom where he stripped Kira of his clothing with little resistance.

Kira shivered as lukewarm water, which was turning hot, met with his skin before he got used to the temperature. He turned violet eyes to see Athrun get in the shower with him. Then it hit him as Athrun wrapped his arms around Kira again. This is where he belonged. Right here in Athrun's arms, and he'd be damned if he let Cagalli get in the way. He didn't care if she got hurt; he just wanted what he wanted. Then a flash of guilt came his way, but that was gone in another flash.

Athrun was surprised when Kira turned around. Yet he didn't mind so much after the shock wore down, and he realized that Kira was kissing his aggressively. He replied back with the same amount of passion. Pushing Kira against the shower wall, he proceeded to take back what he had been denied for so long. His tongue couldn't get enough as he practically swallowed Kira's mouth under the hot streams of water.

Kira grasped blindly for something to keep him steady as his knees felt way too weak. He grabbed at Athrun's shoulders to keep his balance and to pull the other closer. The non-existent friction between when skin met skin came to Kira in waves of pleasure and heat. He gasped for air only to choke on water and be smothered by another heated kiss from Athrun. He didn't mind. No, he didn't mind at all, not that he could think. Everything was a haze of hands, touching, and their mouths. Everything just felt so good…

Then Kira couldn't take it anymore. He collapsed to the surprise of Athrun. He couldn't believe the thoughts he was thinking. They were filled with such sweet sin and the distaste he felt for Cagalli. All these thoughts were not something he would usually think. He was known to be a nice guy, someone who wouldn't dare do anything to offend others. Now he was giving into what he wanted… and he realized he could care less what happened to Ayoshi and Cagalli as if he had just forgotten about them.

Athrun looked with concern at his best friend… then let out a sharp intake as Kira pushed him down and began to ravish him…

oOo

_Be my escape, my sweet, sweet escape._

oOo

Athrun gave an exasperated look to his best friend, now lover. He was currently naked in bed with Kira who was muttering nonsense about how he was cheating on Ayoshi, and he couldn't do that. He waited for Kira to stop talking, but that never happened. Athrun then decided to place a hand over Kira's mouth to stop the brunet from saying anymore. He whispered sweetly sinful words, "Forget her. She doesn't deserve you…" He leaned over and replaced his hand with a soft kiss.

It had been a week since they had discovered each other's desires. Cagalli didn't seem to suspect anything, as Athrun was careful with his explanations as to why he went out a lot. Also Cagalli was busy with preparations and her own family. She made frequent visits to her parents as she hadn't seen them since she had went to study abroad. Athrun was careful to make sure their schedules never conflicted, and always gave Cagalli what she wanted. He knew his fiancée well, and somehow could push away the guilty feeling he had for cheating on her. He wasn't heartless, but he did know what he wanted even if it was so, so wrong.

Kira sighed when Athrun pulled away from the butterfly kiss. He leaned into the other's embrace and said no more, but his thoughts weren't laid to rest yet. He still couldn't understand how much guilt came from something so good. Maybe if they had put more effort into communicating even through the distance then they wouldn't have a complicated mess in their hands. If they hadn't done a lot of things, just maybe things would've been normal, but how normal could their relationship be anyways?

Athrun held Kira close, thinking that if they weren't in such close proximity with such tantalizing temptations then they would both start remembering how wrong their relationship really was. He immediately responded to Kira's touches as the other ghosted his hands down his body and placed kisses down his throat. Athrun in return brought his body even closer to Kira's as the brunet climbed on top of him. Sudden friction caused Kira to gasp against Athrun's pale skin. Athrun took this opportunity to take over. He loved the little sounds Kira made as he flipped over the brunet and teased the other man with his tongue to no end.

oOo

_Some people need what they want and are left blinded to other's needs…_

oOo

Cagalli sighed as she sipped her drink. She opted for a diet coke instead of the vodka shots, martinis, and other various alcoholic drinks everyone else was having at the club they occupied. She had a meeting in the morning with their 'wedding planner', and she didn't want a splitting headache deterring her from that. Her eyes watched Athrun interact with his old friends. She had gotten along well with most of them, save for Flay, and knew they were good people. The times that Athrun brought her to these social outings, she always had fun.

As she watched Athrun talk or rather mouth words to Kira as they danced to the loud music, she noticed just how much Kira had similar features to herself and how close the two friends were. She shook her head; she was delusional. Cagalli took another sip of her coke intending to join her fiancé on the dance floor in another few seconds. Suddenly dread clutched at her causing panic to settle in her stomach for no reason. She looked up to see Flay with a positively evil smile standing in front of her.

"Cagalli." The girl's voice even seemed to ooze danger.

Cagalli nodded her head at Flay and replied politely, "Flay."

"I saw you watching Kira and Athrun. Kira is positively delicious when he dances don't you think? Well Athrun isn't half bad himself…" Flay sat down across from the blonde not caring that annoyance was coming off in waves from Athrun's fiancée, "Haven't you just noticed how close those two are… They're practically touching as much as they can without being too suspicious. But of course, to observant people, they would know something was up." Flay seemed to notice that Cagalli paled even though the lights were dimmed inside the club, "What? You didn't notice? Oh don't worry, I'm sure it's just because they're good friends. I mean, Athrun can't be queer; he loves you, right?" She said that as though it was a real question.

Cagalli newfound dread was building to build. She knew Flay's words were empty… But she couldn't help but question her own thoughts she had before. The past two weeks had been confusing since she hadn't been able to spend time with Athrun as much, but she knew he had been with Kira a lot because supposedly Ayoshi had left him after a fight. She didn't know, but she trusted Athrun, "Flay, just shut up. I don't know what happened but somehow I think you're the reason why Ayoshi left Kira. I don't need your shit too." Cagalli's dangerous personality was surfacing…

"Why do you think that?" Flay answered sweetly, "Oh you mean that little argument I had with the girl when you first met us?"

Cagalli swallowed hard, she actually hadn't remembered that, but now she did and Flay's words were coming back.

_The only person he's got eyes for is the only one who left him._

Flay smiled triumphantly at Cagalli's obvious discomfort, "Of course, I'm sure you've also noticed how similar you and Kira are. Looks especially. You two could pass off as siblings… Does that tell you something? Ah, you don't look well, maybe you should go home. I'll call Athrun for you…"

Cagalli's blood was boiling, and it still was when Athrun came over concerned, "Cagalli, are you okay? Flay said you weren't feeling well…"

She looked up at Athrun; Kira was now with Yzak and Dearka, "I think it's a bit stuffy in here." She lied, "Can we go back to the hotel now?"

"Yeah sure, let me just tell Kira." Cagalli flinched at that name, but Athrun didn't notice as he had turned around to find his friend.

Flay smiled as she walked away.

oOo

_If life was simple, things would be boring, but no one ever wanted life to be this hard._

oOo

"Athrun?" Cagalli called out to her betrothed who was currently in the washroom washing his face.

Athrun blinked a few times as a few water droplets irritated his eyes, "Hm?" He replied almost unconsciously.

Cagalli didn't really know how to go about asking Athrun if he was cheating on her or not. She just wished that Flay was wrong and that she was being stupid about the whole thing, "You and Kira… what did Flay mean when she was arguing with Ayoshi the first night we were here?"

Athrun froze, but his voice was steady, "Nothing. Flay was nothing but trouble after Kira rejected her. She was just jealous about how close we were I guess."

"Just how close are you two?" She further implored while fingering the ring around her fourth finger.

Athrun peered out of the washroom, "What are you on about? You know we're best friends, and we've been together for like forever… well the last past years…"

"So you've never been in a … relationship with him?" Cagalli barely let him finish before launching onto the next question.

She was a bold girl and soon she would find out things she never wished to know.

"I…" Athrun wanted to say no, to sooth her fears, to protect his relationship with Kira, but he couldn't lie. Cagalli deserved the truth, the truth that would probably kill her, the truth that he didn't want to let out into the open yet. So he said nothing.

"Athrun…" Her voice hovered on his name dangerously. She was met with silence. Her temper blew, "Don't think I haven't seen you with him! The way you look at him. The way you two interact. Flay may be wrong about a lot of things, but I don't think she's wrong when she says that something is up with you two. I've never seen two best friends so close. It's wrong. It's sickening! Just tell me whether or not you're sleeping around with your own best friend so I don't have to waste my time being your fiancée!"

Athrun looked at her with startled eyes. How did she know? He was sure that he was so careful. He didn't say anything however. He didn't know what to say. And at the moment, he was extremely guilty to find that he wouldn't care if Cagalli broke off the engagement with him.

"I can't take this…" Cagalli muttered grabbing a few things, "I'm going over to a friend's." Athrun stepped out of the washroom, "Don't bother." Cagalli sneered at him slamming the door on her way out.

It was then that Athrun knew he had lost himself within his love for Kira. Was it even love for Kira or a love for living on the edge? He was going to hurt so many people, but, once again, he wanted what he did. He fell to the floor. How was he so selfish? How did he make Kira so selfish? He buried his face in his hands. Everything truly was a mess.

* * *

Author's Notes: Wow, this took me waay too long to update. I'm sorry. I know I've said it a billion times, but here it is. Thanks for all your support guys. I know I've taken a long time but every time I log into my account and see the amount of viewers and reviewers, I know I have to speed up the progress.

Thanks a bunch to:

**furin-a, Black Magician Girl3, DrgnKiyo, Juniper35, Tracyj16, cobaltstar, and Darkmoon Fleur.**

Keep rocking my socks! Thanks so much!


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